Life lessons from a Celebrity (and a girl who has lived)
The last month of my life has been a poop-show of ultimate proportions. Definitely not one I will miss. I don’t necessarily look forward to the next few, but when I find my genie in a bottle, erasing May and June will for sure be my first wish. (Tell me you didn’t just start singing. Liar!)
I tend to write when I need clarity in my own head. It helps me to get my thoughts organized and creates a paper trail of my life. My memory is horrible and my heart forgives easily, so the storybook is usually shaded in rose or whatever filter the kids on Instagram are using these days. While I will not publically (is it public if no one really reads it?) go into details, I will share a few thoughts for today. And since I found my journal packed away from the move and its pages are full, you are the lucky ones who get to hear them. WARNING: It’s long.
Apparently the MTV Movie Awards DO still exist
For those of you who don’t watch the MTV awards (all of you) and those who don’t live on social media like I do (most of you), you may have missed Chris Pratt’s speech the other night when he was awarded the Generation Award. I did NOT watch the awards, so rest easy. I am not that lame these days! But it does keep popping up on my news feed and I found it funny and inspirational. Click the link and watch it! Then meet me back here.
Pretty good huh?? If you didn’t take the time to watch, shame on you. I waited patiently! But here is a little recap.
He was awarded the Generational Award and seeing as most of the audience was youngsters, he took the time to offer a few words of wisdom. Which I think all of us old folks should do when given the opportunity to mentor or teach the next generation. Much to Tucker and Radley’s dismay, I throw in a life lesson even when the door seems closed.
Number one: Breathe. If you don’t, you’ll suffocate.
Breathing keeps us alive. Not in the we need oxygen kind of way, but taking the time to sit in silence and really feel life. I survive on Kelly Time. When asked what I want for a present or to do on a day off of mommy duty, my response is always have a ‘Kelly Day’. There is never a set agenda of what that day looks like, but it always involves me taking care of me. Some days that is catching up on my shows or reading a book. Others may consist of a very long nap (though not as much and I MISS the ease in which I used to fall asleep). Many hours I will get lost in the rabbit hole of Twitter. Yelling and screaming at the lastest headlines to then see a compilation video of people falling (but not getting hurt because that would be mean) and belly laughing for the entire 5 minute clip. Whatever that day or few moments of Kelly Time looks like, I am breathing MY breath. MY air. MY space. And in the end, the world doesn’t suffocate me.
Number two: You have a soul. Be careful with it.
I have given my heart to many people…friends, family, boyfriends, fellas who weren’t my boyfriends. But only a few know my soul. I cherish those relationships. There was a time when I didn’t know how to “feel” without fear of it being used against me. So I hardened my shell. I sashayed through high school with an arrogance of bitchiness and a false confidence, but right beneath the surface I was hurting. I was lost. I had no idea who I was. I wasn’t an athlete. I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the class. I was FAR FROM the smartest. So I guess I aimed to be the girl that didn’t give a f***. What a lie! My soul was soft and that felt weak. At age 24, the protective armor that shielded my soul, shattered. I guess it was really just porcelain. And while that pain is something I will carry forever, I secretly thank the guy who crushed it into a million little pieces. Because without him, I fear who I might have become.
Number three: Don’t be a turd. If you’re strong, be a protector and if you’re smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons and do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that.
The last 15 years, I found a true strength that I had only pretended to have before. I hope my friends would say that I used that knowledge and perspective to be a protector in their time of need. I cringe at the thought that there is anyone from my past who could use the word BULLY to describe their encounters with me. And if you are out there, I am sorry.
Number five: Doesn’t matter what it is, earn it. A good deed, reach out to someone in pain, be of service, it feels good and it’s good for your soul.
I have failed many times and not always been there when I should have been. Sometimes it was selfishness. I thought about me and what I needed. And before age 24, there is no doubt I lived in my world. For me. By me. But over the years, I learned that giving to others is not taking away from me. Even when ME wasn’t enough and it hurt to keep giving, it never felt wrong to at least try. Perspective. Don’t do a good deed for how it will make you feel. Do it without expectations.
Number eight: Learn to pray. It’s easy and it’s so good for your soul.
Even if you are not religious and praying to a specific deity, PRAY! Put out into the world what is in your heart and listen to what the universe tells you.
Number nine: Nobody is perfect. People are going to tell you you’re perfect just the way you are; you’re not! You are imperfect. You always will be, but there’s a powerful force that designed you that way. And if you’re willing to accept that you will have grace and grace is a gift. Like the freedom we enjoy in this country that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget it. Don’t take it for granted.
I sent Number 9 to someone this morning who is going through a rock bottom time. Without trying to reword and find the same meaning in my heart, I am just going to share what I wrote.
“It’s biblical but it resonated with me on a human level. We aren’t perfect. No one is. And while this is referring to God’s grace, I see it as granting ourselves grace. You have to forgive yourself for all of the mistakes you have made in life. I don’t think you ever have. You also have to grant grace for the damage done in your childhood. Like truly in your core forgiving those who wronged you and healing the holes it left behind. You will remain scarred. That’s life. No one leaves this world without some battle wounds. But until you truly work to repair the damage and nurture the pain, it will fester and infect other parts of your soul.”
I believe in therapy. A LOT! I have always joked that my therapist when I was younger saved my life. She really did! If I had not spent the last 15 years rebuilding, redefining, and relearning myself, I can’t and don’t want to imagine where I would be. Therapy is work! And it sucks! I used the analogy this morning that it is like starting a new skincare medication. It is going to get MUCH worse before it gets better. (Those who suffered from acne know what I’m screaming!!) You may find the perfect therapist for you the first time you look. Or you may try every counselor in the area before you find one who you click with. Caring about yourself enough to try is the first step to finding your way back to you. You are YOU! Scars and all. It will be a new you. With the same qualities that made your loved ones love you. And less of the ones that got you to a therapist couch in the first place!
Finding, knowing and sharing your soul is life’s greatest reward. My hope and prayer for those I love and those I may never meet…Find freedom from the darkness that is dimming your light. We were all born good. I truly believe that.
*This wasn’t a fancy post and WordPress is telling me it needs improvement. But much like the journal I found tucked away in the closet, it is meant to be honest. Not pretty.